Modesty
in the way women dress is part of God's
call to purity and holiness.
Why
is the Church Afraid of Modesty?
Commentary
by Randy Alcorn, Eternal Perspectives
Ministry
November
1, 2010 (OregonFaithReport.com)
- QUESTION: My husband and I are glad
that the church is finally talking about
the problem of pornography and purity
in the Body of Christ, and helping men
address this issue. But why do we never
hear about purity for women in the way
they dress? I’m talking about
women who profess to be Christ-followers.
They become a stumbling block to their
brothers when they dress seductively
or dress to be sexy as the world has
deemed fashionable. Please address the
issue of modesty.
ANSWER:
That is a great question, and it’s
very problematic. Just recently I was
speaking at a church, and found I could
not look a certain direction at the
congregation because of how one woman
was dressed. This happens frequently.
I’ve been in churches where I
can’t look at the worship team
because of how a woman is dressed and
swaying seductively while holding the
microphone. It’s something you
would expect in a nightclub, yet it’s
in the church — the Body of Christ.
I’m
all for sex and I think it’s great
for a woman to be sexy with one person
— her husband. The irony is there
are cases where women have gotten so
used to appearing sexy in public yet
actually have no sexual relationship
with their own husbands. So we have
two issues going on related to the issue
of modesty — modesty in public,
and modesty when the Body of Christ
is assembled. And this latter one is
huge.
When
I was a youth pastor, many years ago,
we had a problem with swimsuits that
is much worse today for church youth
groups because of the change in fashions.
The way girls wore their two-piece swimsuits,
and even many one-pieces, showed so
much. You have young men on a church
retreat who are looking at these girls
— their sisters in Christ —
and thinking what young men think and
being led into temptation.
I’m
not justifying the way men think. It
is a problem, but it is also true —
as the person indicates who asks this
question — that there’s
a responsibility here for girls, and
certainly for their dads and moms, to
seriously consider this.
As
for the part of the question asking
why this is not being addressed like
it should be in churches, I believe
the answer is fear. I think there are
many pastors and church leaders, who,
like many husbands and fathers, are
afraid to speak up for fear of offending
women who are fashion-conscious. Some
women think that to be fashionable,
you have to have outfits that are sexy—including
the split skirts, the very tight skirts
and pants, and low-cut tops. All of
these things send a message to men,
and pastors are very self-conscious
about speaking up because they think,
There are women who will think I am
a pervert for even mentioning this.
“Oh, is that what the pastor is
thinking about when he’s up front?”
It’s
a difficult situation, but it’s
an issue I believe male leaders of the
home and church need the courage to
speak up about and address directly.
We also need godly women (especially
godly women who can be reasonably fashionable
and attractive in the right sense of
attractive—not sexually attractive)
who will lovingly challenge other women
and let them know they are sending a
wrong message. And if they don’t
care about the message they’re
sending, then something’s really
wrong and they need to repent. We need
open, clear discussions about this so
women can become aware and understand
the issue.
The
Bible says our bodies are temples of
the Holy Spirit. That compels us to
honor God in all we do and say. Sadly,
many inappropriate relationships develop
in the church. Sometimes they start
in small groups; others start through
working relationships between church
staff. There have been adulterous relationships
that began during small group retreats,
where women and men dressed and acted
a certain way. Many of these relationships
could be avoided if we paid closer attention
to how we dress, how we come across,
and the kind of affection we show.
I
love to show physical affection. I often
side-hug women I care about and know—if
I have a close, appropriate brother-sister
relationship—by putting my hand
on their shoulders and pulling them
toward me. But I avoid full-frontal
hugs. Women sometimes are not aware
how these kinds of hugs can affect their
brothers in Christ.
Nancy
Leigh DeMoss has excellent material
on modesty and purity. She has a wonderful
booklet titled The Look: Does God Really
Care What I Wear? as well as several
resources about the freedom of modesty
at her ministry’s website, www.reviveourhearts.com.
I
do believe modesty is something we need
to take a very close, careful, prayerful
look at in the Body of Christ. We need
to not be conformed to this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of our
minds.
"For
to me to live is Christ, and to die is
gain." (Phil 1:21)